True Story!!! So I was doing laundry last night and like always I decided to get a cup of coffee and walk to the playground on St.Nicholas avenue here in Washington Heights NYC. As I am sitting there with the revitalizing fall coolness splashing on my skin, inhaling the wind and drowning my lungs, I am a tad solemn. I am actually using it as my quiet time. I guess it's sort of meditating. I needed that on Sunday. Anyhow, as I am sitting there on the bench with the children playing in the background on this fallback twilight hour, I see a woman walking down the street about to cross my path. As she walks by I look at her and she looks at me and says, "hi". I reply with a smile, "hi, how are you?" She walks past but then quickly turns around to say.......................................................If you want to know the rest, you have to read it in my blog:) xoxoxooxoxoxoxo. I found it pretty powerful at that moment!
This is what my email consisted of and now here is the rest of the story.
As I was sitting on this park bench sipping my coffee, this black woman was approaching and as she is walking past we exchange greetings. After passing, she takes a few steps and turns around to share with me that 62 year earlier, her mother use to bring her to the playground behind me to play in the sandbox. All the while she is looking at the playground as if it had happened yesterday. I see her about 5 years old with little pigtails and ballies in her hair running around why her mother chases her on a sweet sunny afternoon. As she brings me back she tells me that she recently just moved back to NYC but does not know where all of the years went. I asked her if she was unhappy to be back in the city of which she replied, "NO". She said that she had traveled the world and had done many things but she didn't live in the moment. She said that the years had just passed her by and she does not really know where they went. There was so much I could take from her story, but what spoke to me most was the waste of time. I'm over wasting time and hoping that soon will just fall in my lap. I guess my feelngs and my question that was burning in my being was responded to in that moment. She then just said that she saw me and felt compelled to tell me what she had and then she went on her way.
Wow,interesing it was. I often have complete random strangers speaking to me like this. Is it the universe talking to me. Are they angels? Are they signs? Probably all of the above. I appreciate them though. Has this happened to you?
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Strong Personality
Where do I even begin with this. I am still shocked by this title that I was given. I don't know whether to feel complimented or offended. It's like being considered a BITCH which we all can understand. A bitch is a respected woman or down right mean old nasty gal. I recently was told that I was a strong personality by my new boss in my office. She stated that this is what she observed. I must say that although I know she is a very educated and very enlightened woman that this is a very bad case of misunderstanding on her part.
Recently I have had to voice my concerns regarding a co-worker of mine who for the longest has taken advantage of my kindness and my sometimes door mat factor, but no more do I wish to let this occur. I can and will no longer allow for my feelings to be ignored and or unaccounted for. I simply decided to inform my co-worker of her blatant neglect to her fellow co workers and address the concerns that I have had for so long areas of the work responsibility that she is consistently falling short on. Some may say it's not my place but we have been without a committed manager for so long and I have had no choice. We also have been told to sort out our own issues, yet in doing so, I have become the culprit. It's the old case of the offender becoming the victim. Should I just sit back and shut up or am I valid to address my concerns. Some say the first, but I don't believe in that. I will just have to face consequences and I am prepared to. I will not compromise myself for just anyone.
Is this what is meant by "Strong Personality"? If so, is that such a bad thing. I believe we have a duty to speak when warranted. Changes never come from people who just sit back and let things roll. No the roads are not easy and they are paved with a lots of opposition. No, there will be some who will not like me but so what! I don't care!! lol!
“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”
Recently I have had to voice my concerns regarding a co-worker of mine who for the longest has taken advantage of my kindness and my sometimes door mat factor, but no more do I wish to let this occur. I can and will no longer allow for my feelings to be ignored and or unaccounted for. I simply decided to inform my co-worker of her blatant neglect to her fellow co workers and address the concerns that I have had for so long areas of the work responsibility that she is consistently falling short on. Some may say it's not my place but we have been without a committed manager for so long and I have had no choice. We also have been told to sort out our own issues, yet in doing so, I have become the culprit. It's the old case of the offender becoming the victim. Should I just sit back and shut up or am I valid to address my concerns. Some say the first, but I don't believe in that. I will just have to face consequences and I am prepared to. I will not compromise myself for just anyone.
Is this what is meant by "Strong Personality"? If so, is that such a bad thing. I believe we have a duty to speak when warranted. Changes never come from people who just sit back and let things roll. No the roads are not easy and they are paved with a lots of opposition. No, there will be some who will not like me but so what! I don't care!! lol!
“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Mom I'll miss you more, Mommy I LOVE U MORE
Well the title says it all. Mommy I love you more. Yes I do!! Recently, my bestie, BFF, homegirl, sister, soul friend had to let her mother go on to the next life. It's very sad. Though we know the soul goes on, we still yearn for the physical body that we survived on for our known days. I don't know where she is drawing her strength from. I have a belief, but I am amazed at how much strength she has found to help her endure. Her mother is the closest person to my emotions that I have had the experience of losing. My friend is so close that her mother is just as close and also like a mommy to me. She gave me some wonderful advice over the years and was so encouraging with my singing. I remember her telling me one time, "just because someone is good to you, does not mean they are good for you". That still rings in my head.
She use to play the piano that my friend bought her for xmas and sing these beautiful gospel songs to us. She would even play for me and teach me how to sing the songs. I really treasure those moments. I can still hear her yelling down stairs for us to make her some "cawfee", that's coffee in her NY accent, lol! It was humorous to that whenever I called there, she would never recognize my voice or she would think I was my freinds other friend Scott. I think of how she use to make jokes and do this silly dance where she would balance herself on one leg and throw the other up while singing,"put ya leg up, put ya leg up" ahahah. I already miss the house where I slept on the couch many nights just healing myself from life's pains in Mrs. Harri's living room. Without question she never asked me why and never asked me when. I am going to miss the long talks at the table and her mischevous laugh. One of my fave memories will be of how she use to joking say, "oh, shut it up", as Karen and I were making all kinds of noise and laughing with our many inside jokes.
Mom, I'll miss you more.
I am blessed to have my mommy still and I know it. I understand how important it is to have your mommy. There is an unbreakable bond that we all have to our mothers no matter who we are and no matter how much some of us want to deny it. I tell my mommy how much I love her every chance I get. I call her as often as possible and never leave the call without the words I love you. Hearing her voice makes me feel comforted like nobody elses. Her assurance means everything. A woman of few words, I see the proundess in her eyes and the love in her actions. There is nothing that she would not do for me. Two of the greatest things my mother ever told me were, "Never think anyone has more than you", and ,"Because of "YOU" I shine" of which I wrote a poem for. I would love to make it a song one day. That is a humongous compliment and an incredible badge for anyone to don. I love the scent of my mommy's perfume, I love to sit and talk with her about life, I love to play 500 rummy with her. I love to dye her hair. As I grow older she has become one of my most important friends. I can't imagine myself without her. She has made me strong. She has made me humble. She has made me rich in love. She has taught me compassion. She has taught me to be human. She has taught me to enjoy my individuality. She has given me family and most importantly she gave me life. She has the biggest heart and for that mine is even bigger. I am thankful for my mommy. Without her, where or who would I be. Mommy, I love you more.
Mommy's are precious and to be cherish. Love yours with all your being and share with her all that you can. You only get one.
"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but
whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod
She use to play the piano that my friend bought her for xmas and sing these beautiful gospel songs to us. She would even play for me and teach me how to sing the songs. I really treasure those moments. I can still hear her yelling down stairs for us to make her some "cawfee", that's coffee in her NY accent, lol! It was humorous to that whenever I called there, she would never recognize my voice or she would think I was my freinds other friend Scott. I think of how she use to make jokes and do this silly dance where she would balance herself on one leg and throw the other up while singing,"put ya leg up, put ya leg up" ahahah. I already miss the house where I slept on the couch many nights just healing myself from life's pains in Mrs. Harri's living room. Without question she never asked me why and never asked me when. I am going to miss the long talks at the table and her mischevous laugh. One of my fave memories will be of how she use to joking say, "oh, shut it up", as Karen and I were making all kinds of noise and laughing with our many inside jokes.
Mom, I'll miss you more.
I am blessed to have my mommy still and I know it. I understand how important it is to have your mommy. There is an unbreakable bond that we all have to our mothers no matter who we are and no matter how much some of us want to deny it. I tell my mommy how much I love her every chance I get. I call her as often as possible and never leave the call without the words I love you. Hearing her voice makes me feel comforted like nobody elses. Her assurance means everything. A woman of few words, I see the proundess in her eyes and the love in her actions. There is nothing that she would not do for me. Two of the greatest things my mother ever told me were, "Never think anyone has more than you", and ,"Because of "YOU" I shine" of which I wrote a poem for. I would love to make it a song one day. That is a humongous compliment and an incredible badge for anyone to don. I love the scent of my mommy's perfume, I love to sit and talk with her about life, I love to play 500 rummy with her. I love to dye her hair. As I grow older she has become one of my most important friends. I can't imagine myself without her. She has made me strong. She has made me humble. She has made me rich in love. She has taught me compassion. She has taught me to be human. She has taught me to enjoy my individuality. She has given me family and most importantly she gave me life. She has the biggest heart and for that mine is even bigger. I am thankful for my mommy. Without her, where or who would I be. Mommy, I love you more.
Mommy's are precious and to be cherish. Love yours with all your being and share with her all that you can. You only get one.
"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but
whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod
Monday, October 18, 2010
POETIC?
The winds are close to my heart, rattling it like a crying baby in the dark, where is my shelter, where is my blanket, I need warmth, I need relief, I need for you to speak, say "It's OK!", Why has the sun gone down so early, I want to chase the the fallen leaves cuz they crackle like my happiness under your feet, hold me please, unnoticed, no worry for you, its a belly ache for me, unheard, no sweat on your brow, its a sore for me, LISTEN!!!! Waling like the great Whale, ringing mountains in the distant miles, causing avalanches like my tears, down down down my cheeks but around my smile, undo this, im zapped like a mosquito in the neon light, wings all shredded, but I got a right! hear me!! What can I give? Is my milk still sweet, can I feed you? Take it all, I have no use for it anymore, I'm movin on, TRUST has lost it's "T" and now is RUST, red like dried blood and scattering in the winds that rattle my heart like a crying child in the dark.
I don't know what meaning this has for me. I just wrote it randomly as I am sitting her beginning my Monday morning at work. Creatvity burns like hot coals in my stomach daily with it's firey gases needing to escape and char a wall, a stage, a peice of paper, or this blog. I love to create. I love to use words in such a way that they paint a picture and sing a song. I don't care to much for grammar. Grammar is boring and dull to me, though I understand it's importance, but the word are ever more important. When I was 15 a young classmate, who was an exchange student and a poet asked me to write. It was the first time I had ever written anything. I never had any desire to or any idea that I could. She asked me to not think about it and just let the words spill from my heart onto the page. I thought it was very odd, but I wanted to try. What I wrote was ghostly and incredibly suprising. I was so impressed with myself. I continued to write from that day on. Now I am writing, songs, plays, and blogs. I love to write. Words are POWER. I am an artist and these are my words. What do they say to you?
I don't know what meaning this has for me. I just wrote it randomly as I am sitting her beginning my Monday morning at work. Creatvity burns like hot coals in my stomach daily with it's firey gases needing to escape and char a wall, a stage, a peice of paper, or this blog. I love to create. I love to use words in such a way that they paint a picture and sing a song. I don't care to much for grammar. Grammar is boring and dull to me, though I understand it's importance, but the word are ever more important. When I was 15 a young classmate, who was an exchange student and a poet asked me to write. It was the first time I had ever written anything. I never had any desire to or any idea that I could. She asked me to not think about it and just let the words spill from my heart onto the page. I thought it was very odd, but I wanted to try. What I wrote was ghostly and incredibly suprising. I was so impressed with myself. I continued to write from that day on. Now I am writing, songs, plays, and blogs. I love to write. Words are POWER. I am an artist and these are my words. What do they say to you?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Selfishness
The word that is a double edged sword. Were told when were kids, if we have good parents, that were suppose to share. Were told that it is in giving that we recieve. We crunch up our noses and suck our teeth at people who are all about themselves, yet at the same time, we are truly the ones who look out for our own best interest. We are the ones responsible for our responsibilites. We have to do what we need to do in order to survive, so what is wrong with being selfish. It's all in how you use selfish.
Yes it's mean to not share and give of yourself to others. Yes it's selfish to always think about yourself as if your the only person who matters. But...... it's not selfish to have some respect for yourself, to value yourself, to be confident and strong. When so many people are takers you have to stand up for your right and protect your heart, your being, your reputation, your soul. You have to know your boundaries, give til theres no more room and then pull back. In this instance it calls for being selfish. Be selfish when you need time for yourself, be selfish when someone is taking advantage of you, be selfish when you really need to survive. Don't be selfish because you want to be judmental, don't be selfish when others are giving you of themselves, dont be selfish because you simply want to be. It's that fine line that is found in many things. It's like love and being in love. We can love somebody and confuse it with being in love, but they are very very different.
See its the double edge sword, be careful cuz you can get cut both ways!
“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.”
Huerter0 Oscar Wilde quotes
Yes it's mean to not share and give of yourself to others. Yes it's selfish to always think about yourself as if your the only person who matters. But...... it's not selfish to have some respect for yourself, to value yourself, to be confident and strong. When so many people are takers you have to stand up for your right and protect your heart, your being, your reputation, your soul. You have to know your boundaries, give til theres no more room and then pull back. In this instance it calls for being selfish. Be selfish when you need time for yourself, be selfish when someone is taking advantage of you, be selfish when you really need to survive. Don't be selfish because you want to be judmental, don't be selfish when others are giving you of themselves, dont be selfish because you simply want to be. It's that fine line that is found in many things. It's like love and being in love. We can love somebody and confuse it with being in love, but they are very very different.
See its the double edge sword, be careful cuz you can get cut both ways!
“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.”
Huerter0 Oscar Wilde quotes
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
CHOICES
So theres was a great film that came out many years ago called "Sophie Choice". I don't ever remember seeing it and I don't even know what it is about, but I know that it is a classic. I wonder what her choice was or even if she made it. Everyday we are faced with choices. Most of them are very easy to make, such as should I cross the street in heavy traffic or wait for the light, should I drink drano or a glass of water, but there are ones that really paralyze us, and actually cuz us as much physical hurt as the first two examples I made. Why can we not make a decision when it comes to these? Why are we so scared? We or some of us would make incredible laywers by the opening and closing reasons as to why we must stay with the lover who treats his/her dog better, or not leave a job because there's a so called recession. Doesn't anyone remember the oldie but goodie, if there's a will there's a way!! There is but we are too chicken s%&* to "WILL" anymnore!! Oh the kids, o I'm not good enough, O its winter. Give me a break!! We all sound like coo coo cloks on the hour every hour of every day!!!
Why do we do this to ourselves? The choice is way easier than we make it. No rewards with no risk!!! I need to start carrying a recorder with me everyday for the multiple but all similar compliaints that we all make every day!! Do something!! Do something!! I want to shake them!! I need to shake myselves at times!!! Think really hard today about what you want and what you don't like and then weigh it. Really look at it. You will see how much stress and burden you can remove from your shoulders if you just make a CHOICE and make moves!!!
Ask anyone what they want and the number one answer is "HAPPY". Choose to be happy. Stop kidding ourselves, stop procrastinating cuz your young, stop crutching yourself cuz your old, stop the bull$%^!!
“There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.”
Henry David Thoreau quotes
Why do we do this to ourselves? The choice is way easier than we make it. No rewards with no risk!!! I need to start carrying a recorder with me everyday for the multiple but all similar compliaints that we all make every day!! Do something!! Do something!! I want to shake them!! I need to shake myselves at times!!! Think really hard today about what you want and what you don't like and then weigh it. Really look at it. You will see how much stress and burden you can remove from your shoulders if you just make a CHOICE and make moves!!!
Ask anyone what they want and the number one answer is "HAPPY". Choose to be happy. Stop kidding ourselves, stop procrastinating cuz your young, stop crutching yourself cuz your old, stop the bull$%^!!
“There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.”
Henry David Thoreau quotes
Monday, October 11, 2010
Follow the Leader
So quite often I find myself in situations where I am on the outside looking in. I am the square block in a round community. I am the water in all of this oil!!! When everyone else is saying "NO", I am painting a big ol Yellow "YES" on the Walls!!!!! Am I crazy? Am I a fool? Am I asking for trouble? Maybe I am a pioneer? Maybe I am a revolutionary? Maybe I am the second coming? Ok, that was me being funny, lol!!! I hope your laughing?!! I quite often find myself marching with my flag with not one behind me because there to busy following each other. I use to find this lonely and quite violatile to my self worth. Now I have come to realize that I dont need people to follow me, yet. I am a free thinker. I think outside of the box, where inside are the people who dwell because there afraid to think for themselves and make real choices.
I admit my way of thinking does not appeal to the masses, but why should it be frowned upon by them. I think that the makers of Twix should sell the cookie in a package by itself!! I think that the Easter bunny should be brown because chocolate is soooooooooooooooo much better than vanilla!! Don't you all agree:)
I have recently discovered that my unconventional thinking comes from being an artist and that it is my nature to think and feel this way. Since I remember I have never followed anyone. I have always done my own thing. I like to consider myself a leader and nominate. Anyone want to vote for me!!!!
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
santiz John Quincy Adams quotes
I admit my way of thinking does not appeal to the masses, but why should it be frowned upon by them. I think that the makers of Twix should sell the cookie in a package by itself!! I think that the Easter bunny should be brown because chocolate is soooooooooooooooo much better than vanilla!! Don't you all agree:)
I have recently discovered that my unconventional thinking comes from being an artist and that it is my nature to think and feel this way. Since I remember I have never followed anyone. I have always done my own thing. I like to consider myself a leader and nominate. Anyone want to vote for me!!!!
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
santiz John Quincy Adams quotes
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