33 Rocks

Oh WOW!!! Ok so I'm not the first and definitely won't be the last but nevertheless I am one of the coolest!! ahhaahahha!!! 33 mmmmm What a pretty number!! 33 what a blessing!! 33 What a feeling! Yea mature but yet still a babe. I think:) God has been sooo goood to me! I been told that 33 is the Christ birthday! Mainly because he sacrificed hisself at this age. Does that mean I should sacrifice something? Hmmmm, that's an interesting idea. Maybe it's the ideas of moving through and leaving the old behind. I like that idea!! I am going to wash myself of all the pain and sorrow that I has been living in me. I am going to rebirth myself! I see a light Lord. I see the point of what has come over me recently. It's to help me rise up, ascend, and become more enlightened about myself and my life. What a remarkable idea and feeling to recieve and mark my day!! "PSALMS 57:6 Enemies set traps for mey feet and struck me down, they dug a pit in my path but fell in it themseslves", Read the whole thing. Thank you Lord, I was blind but now I see. I am free. That is funny because the meaning of "Frankie" in the name book means "FREE"! Happy Birthday to me! On Monday June 28 I will be 33 years old. I can say life is beautiful to me and I'm so grateful and humble. The rock of salvation! I am gonna celebrate this birthday with my rocks! My family who is always a call away for me and my friends who are the most appreciative friends ever, and my handsome who is my anchor to the beautiful path I am on.

I LOVE HER

Do you know I love you? I really do! I miss YOU!! Do you know I miss YOu? I really do!! All those years you were locked in the top of my grandmothers closet!! We use to sneak to see you! How cute!! That little face and big beautiful brown eyes!! Were you a story, a myth?? Definitely a legend!! The idea of her always brang magnificent thoughts. Then, one day she came floating like a princess on a golden steed. It was unreal. A fairytale come true. She looked like me, well she had my smile") We were too old now to play in the sandbox like I once dreamed, but we could share margaritas with salt on the rim!!! hahhahha. It felt like home, a completed home. She was gone so long but ironically it was if she never was. That smile, her heart, her beliefs, her love for the cup of joe. It all seemed so grand, but like dreams you have to wake up. She dissipated. I tried to grasp the cloud of glitter that she combusted into. As quickly as she came, she was gone again. I was broken, but grateful to have sat in front of her and shared a conversation. She accepted me as kin, as gay, as a friend, as me. She is still with me and I know she thinks about me as often as I do her, but does she know that I love her cause I do. You know I'm talking about your, right? Don't you? Yea smile, cause I am!

Are you f%*^& SERIOUS!

2 decades have gone by and I've not needed you to guide me but I did want you to just see me. Before yesterday I really believed that's what I needed, but truth is if I really did then I could have reached out to you easily, I was just kidding myself. Now here you go reaching from the pits of hell, cuz yea you definitely are evil with many faces. Reaching and trying to grasp a piece of my paradise, my favor as I walk with the living. You almost got me, yes the Devil is a F%&K&* LIAR!!! You don't like my ways, well look at me and my ways, breathing fresh air, feeling sunshine on my skin, dancing with true blood!!! OOO what is that water falling from my face? Is it a tear, HELL NO! Is it sweat? Not even! It's the saliva of fresh spit that I shoot at you down in your lowly, pitiful, morbid confinement. 17? 17!? That's how many years you get? Wow thats kind old for your liking Mr Ice cream man? Oh, by the way my birthday is JUNE 28th! I'm pretty disappointed, cuz I thought everyone was suppose to remember there first. Forget you?? Forget you not you say? Well that wont be hard because I truly don't remember you to begin with! You have nothing to feel joyful about because I'll deny you til infinity! Tho you may be joyful to know that after your words I wanted to crawl out of myself because I detest that you were even involved in my creation. YOU DONT LIKE MY WAYS, ahahah! Oh you are funny MR. Pied Piper leading the children. I did'nt need your worthless 2 paragraphs of bull! Yea, that's all I got for 20 years of void. You are a joke Jack! Its not what I wanted to hear but what I had to hear to truly let it go. You are a ghost because you are dead to me. You don't like my way?? Tell my mom......hi? Are you F&^K*&^ serious????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Son,

My new play "FRANKIE" had it's first reading this past Sunday, Father's day! It went incredibly well!! I even wrote a song called "The Truth" that I sang for the audience. It was a really powerful moment for me! The script is metaphoric in that its about a transgendered male who is becoming a woman and life is changing dramatically for him. I say metaphoric because I weaved my life into the story to tell of my dramatic life change since coming to NYC!! I could go on all day, but let's get to the point. So within the story I write about her boyfriend finding a penny in central park with the year they met on it and giving it to her as a gift. Ironically, a few days later I find a penny on the street with my boyfriend and mine's year we met on it. Of course I gave it to him. Funny right? It gets better! In the story the characters father is estranged from her life and has never spoken or acknowledged her in 20 years. He's also in prison, which is very true in my life!!! Ok so in the script she gets a letter from him on Fathers day saying he loves her and is sorry. Ok, I hope your still with me. Well two days ago was the reading and Fathers day. Today I recieved a letter but none other than who you have guessed, my DAD!! Can you believe it? I can't believe it. 21 years he has avoided me. No I have not read it. I can't yet. All I could get through was "DEAR SON". He called me son. I see his handwriting. I am in disbeleif. Dear son,????????????????

WET DREAM!

Ok, so It's last Thursday. I am leaving work. I knew since the morning news that we were going to have downpours of rain all afternoon, but like always I ignored and didnt take an umbrella. First off I hate to carry anything EVER!! Second I am absent minded an leave the umbrellas all over the city for anothers blessing. Anyhow, I finish work and as I leave the building I notice there is a monsoon outside. I was horrified that I would have to walk all the way home in it. Yea, I could have taken the train, but I don't like public transportation and besides if you walk you can enjoy the scenery. Again, all the way home I am walking the rain drops are piercing my clothes and warping them. Water is bleeding out of my drenched hair now and down my face. Tiny waterfalls are dripping from my eyebrows. My socks had turned to soup in my shoes. People were looking at me funny as I was foolish not to have taken an umbrella. I felt foolish at first but then I thought. How fantastic this is!!! Beautiful!!! Beautiful!! water is falling from mother earth all over me, cleansing!! It was refreshing!! I rejoiced in it!!! Nature was bathing me in its juices!! YUMMY!!! If only I was nakie!!!! ahahh!! It occured to me that the Gulf is being murdered by that oil and who knows what that means for us. What if this was the last rainfall that Id ever get to enjoy!! AMAZING!!!! ahahahah, a moment!!!

FLASHBACK

SO I JUST FINISHED WRITING MY SECOND PLAY. IT'S CALLED "FRANKIE". IT;S ABOUT A Transgendered individual, male to female. It's having a reading June 20th 2010. I am unbelievably excited. Its a story about the characters coming into her own, acceptin her identity, and resolving past conflicts with her neglectful mother, absent father, and her potential new lover. Anyhow, there are alot of hiddent truths within the piece that I took from my own life. One of which I am VERY fond of and would like to share. It is about my abuela(grandmom),my father's mother who passed when I was five. Her name was Rafaela. The memory is of when I was very young, I think about 5, and we use to play this game called "mercy". It's a game where someone grabs your hand and either bends your fingers backwards or squeezes your entire hand to the point of pain. Silly right? Well my grandmother didnt speak any english and I no spanish. It was our way of communicating. I still remember her sitting in front of that window in her house dress and flower apron, hair in a bun and full of salt and pepper, smoking her cigarrette out of the Germantown project window. I think I would say, do it grandma, and she knew what I meant. I would reach the point of screaming and she would let got and then I would smile and say "Do it AGAIN!!!LOL!!!! Wild and Wonderful!!! I love you Abuela!!!

Trapped

Ugh, so Im on the two train today in this 80+ degree weather and it stops in it's tracks before reaching the platform. Here I am in this metal snake with what seems like thousands of people and all of there body heat clinging to my skin and the stench of there bodies attacking my nose!! Someone in the train ahead of us apparently got sick and they needed an ambulance. We were told that we would be stuck in the train for 20 mins. ok, not too long, but with all of those people and the heat, and the smell, OMG!!! I started hyperventilating, I felt the walls closing in, I felt TRAPPED!!!!!! Where am I to go!! I feel entombed in this tuna can! My breaths became shorter and I wanted Superman to smash through the ceiling and rescue me. It was the longest twenty minutes ever. They then told us that we had to exit the train by walking through all of the carts in order to reach the first one and get to the platform. After walking through about 4 carts they changed there minds and the train continued. I found a seat with a/c right over it and no people in the car. It quickly changed the whole experience. I guess Im somewhat clausterphobic. Ugh, I hate feeling like I'm restrained. I endured all of this just to get to a 2 year olds birthday party. Can I get some applause? Then I lucked out because a wonderful coworker of mine was there and she gave me a ride back home. I did'nt need that old stinky MTA train!! xoxoxoxooxx

Oil and water, next Vinegar

OMG!!! What have we done? It is so unsettling that as I sit here writing this blog, as I go about my day, to work, to eat lunch, to workout, to worry about when I will go back to school, to stress over what I will wear, to think about things that I want to do next year???, there is a MASSIVE oil spill going on right now LITERALLY in the Gulf!!!! Its been spewing oil into the gulf for weeks now with no end in sight!!! Gallons of it spill each our devouring the beautiful ocean and wonderful wildlife creatures and soon if not already our wetlands and beaches. It is a horrendous display of human error with dyre ramifications. This is the ultimate betrayal to our earth. We have been pillaging this poor planet for years while it gives us oxygen, water, food, shelter, beautiful mountains, blue skies, green landscapes,etc. We humans time and time again have mutilated its bounty and took advantage of its resources and just about depleted its body. Is this not a fantastic metaphor of a ripped artery? We have severed a major vein in the earths core and now it bleeds profusely! I don't think the earth is going to be so forgiving for this one. It has already shown what it can do when it wants to fight back, Katrina,Haiti,Thailand, Chile, what next? Its going to come back with a vengeance for this one. We'd better gear up! Its frightening to even think about it! We are in serious trouble perhaps and the vinegar will surely sting!

So nice its Scary!

Well all, I am back! I was in the state of Georgia for the past five days!! Wow it all went soooo fast my head is still tryin to catch up with my neck!! I had a beautiful time and who couldn't. You have not been in such good company until you have visit our southern cousins. Even if you don't have cousins in the south, these wonderful individuals will make you feel so at home that you will think you do! There is not one person who does not greet you with a smile and how are ya? It truly is unbelievable and beautiful at the same time. At first you may feel like you have crossed over into the twilight zone or that your getting buttered up for an attack, but its genuine sincerity and kindess like you have never known! This is a part of the country that still has respect and courteousness for its fellow human beings! Such community!! It was truly wonderful and overwhelming to be greeted with such love from strangers at every corner. Here! Here! ATL!!! Heres to you southerners!!! Just to show the contrast, I flew in this morning back to my good ol NYC. First, my handsome and I became human ping pong balls for two cabbies who wanted to argue over who should take our fare because they were too lazy to what they are getting paid to do ,which is take our fare. After that, I arrive at my hospital, I had forgotten my ID but was courteous enough to stop at the security desk to announce it and the security officer greeted me with attitude because I had forgotten my ID, when once before me a man ignored him and gave him attitude because the security officer asked him for his ID to ensure all of our safety. Wow, the north, what a contrast. I am a northerner, so I kinda get it, but I never condone rudeness. Oh well, without contrast I guess there can't be much appreciation!!! xooxoxoox