Stranger Wisdom

True Story!!! So I was doing laundry last night and like always I decided to get a cup of coffee and walk to the playground on St.Nicholas avenue here in Washington Heights NYC. As I am sitting there with the revitalizing fall coolness splashing on my skin, inhaling the wind and drowning my lungs, I am a tad solemn. I am actually using it as my quiet time. I guess it's sort of meditating. I needed that on Sunday. Anyhow, as I am sitting there on the bench with the children playing in the background on this fallback twilight hour, I see a woman walking down the street about to cross my path. As she walks by I look at her and she looks at me and says, "hi". I reply with a smile, "hi, how are you?" She walks past but then quickly turns around to say.......................................................If you want to know the rest, you have to read it in my blog:) xoxoxooxoxoxoxo. I found it pretty powerful at that moment!

This is what my email consisted of and now here is the rest of the story.

As I was sitting on this park bench sipping my coffee, this black woman was approaching and as she is walking past we exchange greetings. After passing, she takes a few steps and turns around to share with me that 62 year earlier, her mother use to bring her to the playground behind me to play in the sandbox. All the while she is looking at the playground as if it had happened yesterday. I see her about 5 years old with little pigtails and ballies in her hair running around why her mother chases her on a sweet sunny afternoon. As she brings me back she tells me that she recently just moved back to NYC but does not know where all of the years went. I asked her if she was unhappy to be back in the city of which she replied, "NO". She said that she had traveled the world and had done many things but she didn't live in the moment. She said that the years had just passed her by and she does not really know where they went. There was so much I could take from her story, but what spoke to me most was the waste of time. I'm over wasting time and hoping that soon will just fall in my lap. I guess my feelngs and my question that was burning in my being was responded to in that moment. She then just said that she saw me and felt compelled to tell me what she had and then she went on her way.

Wow,interesing it was. I often have complete random strangers speaking to me like this. Is it the universe talking to me. Are they angels? Are they signs? Probably all of the above. I appreciate them though. Has this happened to you?

Strong Personality

Where do I even begin with this. I am still shocked by this title that I was given. I don't know whether to feel complimented or offended. It's like being considered a BITCH which we all can understand. A bitch is a respected woman or down right mean old nasty gal. I recently was told that I was a strong personality by my new boss in my office. She stated that this is what she observed. I must say that although I know she is a very educated and very enlightened woman that this is a very bad case of misunderstanding on her part.


Recently I have had to voice my concerns regarding a co-worker of mine who for the longest has taken advantage of my kindness and my sometimes door mat factor, but no more do I wish to let this occur. I can and will no longer allow for my feelings to be ignored and or unaccounted for. I simply decided to inform my co-worker of her blatant neglect to her fellow co workers and address the concerns that I have had for so long areas of the work responsibility that she is consistently falling short on. Some may say it's not my place but we have been without a committed manager for so long and I have had no choice. We also have been told to sort out our own issues, yet in doing so, I have become the culprit. It's the old case of the offender becoming the victim. Should I just sit back and shut up or am I valid to address my concerns. Some say the first, but I don't believe in that. I will just have to face consequences and I am prepared to. I will not compromise myself for just anyone.

Is this what is meant by "Strong Personality"? If so, is that such a bad thing. I believe we have a duty to speak when warranted. Changes never come from people who just sit back and let things roll. No the roads are not easy and they are paved with a lots of opposition. No, there will be some who will not like me but so what! I don't care!! lol!


“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.”

Mom I'll miss you more, Mommy I LOVE U MORE

Well the title says it all. Mommy I love you more. Yes I do!! Recently, my bestie, BFF, homegirl, sister, soul friend had to let her mother go on to the next life. It's very sad. Though we know the soul goes on, we still yearn for the physical body that we survived on for our known days. I don't know where she is drawing her strength from. I have a belief, but I am amazed at how much strength she has found to help her endure. Her mother is the closest person to my emotions that I have had the experience of losing. My friend is so close that her mother is just as close and also like a mommy to me. She gave me some wonderful advice over the years and was so encouraging with my singing. I remember her telling me one time, "just because someone is good to you, does not mean they are good for you". That still rings in my head.

She use to play the piano that my friend bought her for xmas and sing these beautiful gospel songs to us. She would even play for me and teach me how to sing the songs. I really treasure those moments. I can still hear her yelling down stairs for us to make her some "cawfee", that's coffee in her NY accent, lol! It was humorous to that whenever I called there, she would never recognize my voice or she would think I was my freinds other friend Scott. I think of how she use to make jokes and do this silly dance where she would balance herself on one leg and throw the other up while singing,"put ya leg up, put ya leg up" ahahah. I already miss the house where I slept on the couch many nights just healing myself from life's pains in Mrs. Harri's living room. Without question she never asked me why and never asked me when. I am going to miss the long talks at the table and her mischevous laugh. One of my fave memories will be of how she use to joking say, "oh, shut it up", as Karen and I were making all kinds of noise and laughing with our many inside jokes.
Mom, I'll miss you more.

I am blessed to have my mommy still and I know it. I understand how important it is to have your mommy. There is an unbreakable bond that we all have to our mothers no matter who we are and no matter how much some of us want to deny it. I tell my mommy how much I love her every chance I get. I call her as often as possible and never leave the call without the words I love you. Hearing her voice makes me feel comforted like nobody elses. Her assurance means everything. A woman of few words, I see the proundess in her eyes and the love in her actions. There is nothing that she would not do for me. Two of the greatest things my mother ever told me were, "Never think anyone has more than you", and ,"Because of "YOU" I shine" of which I wrote a poem for. I would love to make it a song one day. That is a humongous compliment and an incredible badge for anyone to don. I love the scent of my mommy's perfume, I love to sit and talk with her about life, I love to play 500 rummy with her. I love to dye her hair. As I grow older she has become one of my most important friends. I can't imagine myself without her. She has made me strong. She has made me humble. She has made me rich in love. She has taught me compassion. She has taught me to be human. She has taught me to enjoy my individuality. She has given me family and most importantly she gave me life. She has the biggest heart and for that mine is even bigger. I am thankful for my mommy. Without her, where or who would I be. Mommy, I love you more.

Mommy's are precious and to be cherish. Love yours with all your being and share with her all that you can. You only get one.


"A mother is she who can take the place of all others but
whose place no one else can take."
-- Cardinal Mermillod

POETIC?

The winds are close to my heart, rattling it like a crying baby in the dark, where is my shelter, where is my blanket, I need warmth, I need relief, I need for you to speak, say "It's OK!", Why has the sun gone down so early, I want to chase the the fallen leaves cuz they crackle like my happiness under your feet, hold me please, unnoticed, no worry for you, its a belly ache for me, unheard, no sweat on your brow, its a sore for me, LISTEN!!!! Waling like the great Whale, ringing mountains in the distant miles, causing avalanches like my tears, down down down my cheeks but around my smile, undo this, im zapped like a mosquito in the neon light, wings all shredded, but I got a right! hear me!! What can I give? Is my milk still sweet, can I feed you? Take it all, I have no use for it anymore, I'm movin on, TRUST has lost it's "T" and now is RUST, red like dried blood and scattering in the winds that rattle my heart like a crying child in the dark.


I don't know what meaning this has for me. I just wrote it randomly as I am sitting her beginning my Monday morning at work. Creatvity burns like hot coals in my stomach daily with it's firey gases needing to escape and char a wall, a stage, a peice of paper, or this blog. I love to create. I love to use words in such a way that they paint a picture and sing a song. I don't care to much for grammar. Grammar is boring and dull to me, though I understand it's importance, but the word are ever more important. When I was 15 a young classmate, who was an exchange student and a poet asked me to write. It was the first time I had ever written anything. I never had any desire to or any idea that I could. She asked me to not think about it and just let the words spill from my heart onto the page. I thought it was very odd, but I wanted to try. What I wrote was ghostly and incredibly suprising. I was so impressed with myself. I continued to write from that day on. Now I am writing, songs, plays, and blogs. I love to write. Words are POWER. I am an artist and these are my words. What do they say to you?

Selfishness

The word that is a double edged sword. Were told when were kids, if we have good parents, that were suppose to share. Were told that it is in giving that we recieve. We crunch up our noses and suck our teeth at people who are all about themselves, yet at the same time, we are truly the ones who look out for our own best interest. We are the ones responsible for our responsibilites. We have to do what we need to do in order to survive, so what is wrong with being selfish. It's all in how you use selfish.

Yes it's mean to not share and give of yourself to others. Yes it's selfish to always think about yourself as if your the only person who matters. But...... it's not selfish to have some respect for yourself, to value yourself, to be confident and strong. When so many people are takers you have to stand up for your right and protect your heart, your being, your reputation, your soul. You have to know your boundaries, give til theres no more room and then pull back. In this instance it calls for being selfish. Be selfish when you need time for yourself, be selfish when someone is taking advantage of you, be selfish when you really need to survive. Don't be selfish because you want to be judmental, don't be selfish when others are giving you of themselves, dont be selfish because you simply want to be. It's that fine line that is found in many things. It's like love and being in love. We can love somebody and confuse it with being in love, but they are very very different.
See its the double edge sword, be careful cuz you can get cut both ways!

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.”
Huerter0 Oscar Wilde quotes

CHOICES

So theres was a great film that came out many years ago called "Sophie Choice". I don't ever remember seeing it and I don't even know what it is about, but I know that it is a classic. I wonder what her choice was or even if she made it. Everyday we are faced with choices. Most of them are very easy to make, such as should I cross the street in heavy traffic or wait for the light, should I drink drano or a glass of water, but there are ones that really paralyze us, and actually cuz us as much physical hurt as the first two examples I made. Why can we not make a decision when it comes to these? Why are we so scared? We or some of us would make incredible laywers by the opening and closing reasons as to why we must stay with the lover who treats his/her dog better, or not leave a job because there's a so called recession. Doesn't anyone remember the oldie but goodie, if there's a will there's a way!! There is but we are too chicken s%&* to "WILL" anymnore!! Oh the kids, o I'm not good enough, O its winter. Give me a break!! We all sound like coo coo cloks on the hour every hour of every day!!!

Why do we do this to ourselves? The choice is way easier than we make it. No rewards with no risk!!! I need to start carrying a recorder with me everyday for the multiple but all similar compliaints that we all make every day!! Do something!! Do something!! I want to shake them!! I need to shake myselves at times!!! Think really hard today about what you want and what you don't like and then weigh it. Really look at it. You will see how much stress and burden you can remove from your shoulders if you just make a CHOICE and make moves!!!

Ask anyone what they want and the number one answer is "HAPPY". Choose to be happy. Stop kidding ourselves, stop procrastinating cuz your young, stop crutching yourself cuz your old, stop the bull$%^!!

“There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.”
Henry David Thoreau quotes

Follow the Leader

So quite often I find myself in situations where I am on the outside looking in. I am the square block in a round community. I am the water in all of this oil!!! When everyone else is saying "NO", I am painting a big ol Yellow "YES" on the Walls!!!!! Am I crazy? Am I a fool? Am I asking for trouble? Maybe I am a pioneer? Maybe I am a revolutionary? Maybe I am the second coming? Ok, that was me being funny, lol!!! I hope your laughing?!! I quite often find myself marching with my flag with not one behind me because there to busy following each other. I use to find this lonely and quite violatile to my self worth. Now I have come to realize that I dont need people to follow me, yet. I am a free thinker. I think outside of the box, where inside are the people who dwell because there afraid to think for themselves and make real choices.

I admit my way of thinking does not appeal to the masses, but why should it be frowned upon by them. I think that the makers of Twix should sell the cookie in a package by itself!! I think that the Easter bunny should be brown because chocolate is soooooooooooooooo much better than vanilla!! Don't you all agree:)

I have recently discovered that my unconventional thinking comes from being an artist and that it is my nature to think and feel this way. Since I remember I have never followed anyone. I have always done my own thing. I like to consider myself a leader and nominate. Anyone want to vote for me!!!!


“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
santiz John Quincy Adams quotes

PHILLIES OR YANKEES?

OMG!! SO, I am a New Yorker now! Yes I was born in Philadelphia, but I have a NY address, a NY Job, NY licence, NY cat, and a MTA card!! I'm a NYorker!! haahaha, but my family is in Philly and they are HARDCORE DIEHARD phillies fans!!!! I have not a sport bone in my body, well maybe a bone for the outfits(lol,shhhhhhh!) and I could care less really about either team! Yet, when I go home all I have to listent to is Phillies this and Phillies that, and when my mom comes here all she wants to watch is Phillies lol!!! The only opinion that I have on either is that I think the Yankees colors are so sexy and the Phillies emblem matches the letter in my last name Perez, lol!!!!

So When I go home, my lil nieces and nephews chase me with there plastic baseball bats(my only experience with gay bashing,lol) and my family dogs me out about how the Yanks suck!!! My only reply is, "Do they really?, Let me find out!" ahhaahahahhh. The only one person who makes me feel the most guilty about it and not because she says anything but because I know she is a BIG Phillies fan is my MOmMom. Yea, I have to love the Phillies for her, because I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove her sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and I support her as much as she supports me!!! Go Phillies!!!

The cutest thing is seein my lil ones in the Jerzees! My sister in-law sent me a pic of my Niece Ava in a Phillies sweatshirt lastnight!! Who cares about the Phillies, the red color looks great on her, lol!!! She said uncle Frankie finally!!! xoxoxox.

O well batters up!!!!!! mmmmmmmmm lol!!

Beautiful Rock

Ok, so as most of you may know, I am an administrative medical assistant for a busy Rehabilitaton Medicine practice in NYC. I have many wonderful patients of a mature age that bring me great pleasure with their wealth of knowledge, experience, and just plain old good hearts. Yesterday I had one of the greatest experiences of my time working here with these patients.

A reoccuring patient that has been coming here since about the time I started was in for an appointment yesterday. She is a wonderful Latina in her 50's. She was born on Christmas day!! I love that! Anyhow, I watched her battle cervical cancer over the course of her time here. She has the sweetest demeanor and always call me "papito" of which I very much appreciate.

I saw her yesterday after her long treatment with chemo and loss of hair and the regrowth of it to its thick luxurios honey blond locks that the cancer is back. This is not unusual but still diheartening. We greeted with a smile and a motherly kiss. I gave my sad face and sorry, but she smiled back and said, "Dont worry papito I'm gonna survive this too", Wow!! amazing to have such will. I love it!!! I of course agreed with her and encouraged her in which she then replied, "Your so Beautiful!" Wow me?? I thought? I do remember her saying this to me on occasion but I am taken aback every time she says it, because I feel it from her.

She told me she was to begin her next chemo treatments this week and then she went to sit in the waiting area. I remembered that I had some rocks that I picked up to give some people and patients from my amazing trip to the Grand Canyon!! I dug them from the ground on my hike as my babyboy made fun of me for it along with faces, I love him! I quickly grabbed one from my desk and gave it to her with the sentiments of good wishes and blessings! She was very touched.

I believe in energy and good energy at that. I believe that rock will do wonders. Didn't that feather make dumbo fly? Didn't clickin her heels take Dorothy home? Is'nt our Lord the rock of salvation? I believe, do you?

Me, beautiful, I must say it makes me cry to be given such a validation.

Hole in my heart

So I spoke to my bestie yesterday. She is like my right arm we are so close. Her mom who is like a mom to me took ill last Christmas and to this day has shown no progress from her near fatal stroke. My friend is paralyzed emotionally as her mother was her best friend and confidant. My friend has been with her mom every moment for the past year outside of work and church. I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more, and asked that her mom get better for my friends sake as I dont know how it will affect her otherwise. It's really torn me to see my friend have to go through this. I act as if I can go about my daily life but truthfully it hurts me, somewhere in the back of my mind.

Yesterday we spoke as her mother was transfered yet again back into the hospital for complications. While there, they discovered that she had a sever pressure sore on her tailbone, large and deep enough for my friend to put both her fists into, as so she described it. I felt my heart fall into my stomach. I am so frightened for her and so heartbroken for her mother. What can you do in this situation. It's not fair but all you can do is sit back and pray. How devastating is this. This is the first person closest to me in my lifetime that I could potentially lose, her mom I am speaking of. It's really put a hole in my heart:( I love you Ms. Harris...........

THROUGH THE STORM

WOW!! IM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! AS OPRAH WOULD SAY!! OK, I MADE A CAKE LAST WEEK THAT I TOOK TO WORK THAT WAS A MESS FROM STICKING TO THE PAN AND ENDURING ME RUNNING UP THE STREET TO WORK WITH IT. I CALLED IT "THROUG THE STORM"!! HAHHAH

OK, SO ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS!! OMG!!! IVE BEEN QUIET, BUT NOW IM "BACK AND IM LOUD"!!! AHAHAHAHAH LOL!!


COLONOSCOPY,ARUBA,MARRIAGE,VEGAS,ARIZIONA RATTLE SNAKES,HOOVER DAM, GRAND CANYON,PHILLY,BEER,EMAILS OF DEATH,FIGHTING,AND SKIN GROWTHS!!DONT ASK!! LOL!!! THAT WAS MY SUMMER!!! SOUNDS FUN, IT WAS, WHEW!!!! SO HEAR I AM STILL IN ONE PIECE WITH MANY FRAYED EDGES! I STOLE THAT FRAYED THING FROM KELLY CLARKSON!

I AM WORKING ON REVISIONS OF MY FIRST PLAY SO THAT I CAN DEBUT IT IN IT'S ENTIRETY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!! WORK IS GREAT AND IS FINALLY STARTING TO LOOK UP!! I CONQUERED THE TROLL THAT WORKS WITH ME! LOL!!! IT TRIED TO STEAL MY RAINBOW SO I BEAT IT WITH IT!!! AHHAHAH

OK, WELL,IM REVAMPING THIS BLOG!! I THINK IM GONNA DO A REALITY BLOG OF MY LIFE!!! IS THAT ORIGINAL!! I NEED FEEDBACK KIDS!!!! OR WOULD U RATHER GET THE SCOOP ON TV HIGHLIGHTS!!! EVERYONE LIKE GOSSIP!! JERSEY SHORE! ATLANTA HOUSEWIVES! TEH A LIST! WENDY WILLIAMS,OPRAH,DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, RUPAULS DRAG U!! WOW!!! IM BUSY! I'VE PIMPED OUT MY DVR!! LOL.

ALRIGHTY!! LOVE YA!! SEND ME YOUR SUMMER STORIES!!!!!!!!

33 Rocks

Oh WOW!!! Ok so I'm not the first and definitely won't be the last but nevertheless I am one of the coolest!! ahhaahahha!!! 33 mmmmm What a pretty number!! 33 what a blessing!! 33 What a feeling! Yea mature but yet still a babe. I think:) God has been sooo goood to me! I been told that 33 is the Christ birthday! Mainly because he sacrificed hisself at this age. Does that mean I should sacrifice something? Hmmmm, that's an interesting idea. Maybe it's the ideas of moving through and leaving the old behind. I like that idea!! I am going to wash myself of all the pain and sorrow that I has been living in me. I am going to rebirth myself! I see a light Lord. I see the point of what has come over me recently. It's to help me rise up, ascend, and become more enlightened about myself and my life. What a remarkable idea and feeling to recieve and mark my day!! "PSALMS 57:6 Enemies set traps for mey feet and struck me down, they dug a pit in my path but fell in it themseslves", Read the whole thing. Thank you Lord, I was blind but now I see. I am free. That is funny because the meaning of "Frankie" in the name book means "FREE"! Happy Birthday to me! On Monday June 28 I will be 33 years old. I can say life is beautiful to me and I'm so grateful and humble. The rock of salvation! I am gonna celebrate this birthday with my rocks! My family who is always a call away for me and my friends who are the most appreciative friends ever, and my handsome who is my anchor to the beautiful path I am on.

I LOVE HER

Do you know I love you? I really do! I miss YOU!! Do you know I miss YOu? I really do!! All those years you were locked in the top of my grandmothers closet!! We use to sneak to see you! How cute!! That little face and big beautiful brown eyes!! Were you a story, a myth?? Definitely a legend!! The idea of her always brang magnificent thoughts. Then, one day she came floating like a princess on a golden steed. It was unreal. A fairytale come true. She looked like me, well she had my smile") We were too old now to play in the sandbox like I once dreamed, but we could share margaritas with salt on the rim!!! hahhahha. It felt like home, a completed home. She was gone so long but ironically it was if she never was. That smile, her heart, her beliefs, her love for the cup of joe. It all seemed so grand, but like dreams you have to wake up. She dissipated. I tried to grasp the cloud of glitter that she combusted into. As quickly as she came, she was gone again. I was broken, but grateful to have sat in front of her and shared a conversation. She accepted me as kin, as gay, as a friend, as me. She is still with me and I know she thinks about me as often as I do her, but does she know that I love her cause I do. You know I'm talking about your, right? Don't you? Yea smile, cause I am!

Are you f%*^& SERIOUS!

2 decades have gone by and I've not needed you to guide me but I did want you to just see me. Before yesterday I really believed that's what I needed, but truth is if I really did then I could have reached out to you easily, I was just kidding myself. Now here you go reaching from the pits of hell, cuz yea you definitely are evil with many faces. Reaching and trying to grasp a piece of my paradise, my favor as I walk with the living. You almost got me, yes the Devil is a F%&K&* LIAR!!! You don't like my ways, well look at me and my ways, breathing fresh air, feeling sunshine on my skin, dancing with true blood!!! OOO what is that water falling from my face? Is it a tear, HELL NO! Is it sweat? Not even! It's the saliva of fresh spit that I shoot at you down in your lowly, pitiful, morbid confinement. 17? 17!? That's how many years you get? Wow thats kind old for your liking Mr Ice cream man? Oh, by the way my birthday is JUNE 28th! I'm pretty disappointed, cuz I thought everyone was suppose to remember there first. Forget you?? Forget you not you say? Well that wont be hard because I truly don't remember you to begin with! You have nothing to feel joyful about because I'll deny you til infinity! Tho you may be joyful to know that after your words I wanted to crawl out of myself because I detest that you were even involved in my creation. YOU DONT LIKE MY WAYS, ahahah! Oh you are funny MR. Pied Piper leading the children. I did'nt need your worthless 2 paragraphs of bull! Yea, that's all I got for 20 years of void. You are a joke Jack! Its not what I wanted to hear but what I had to hear to truly let it go. You are a ghost because you are dead to me. You don't like my way?? Tell my mom......hi? Are you F&^K*&^ serious????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Son,

My new play "FRANKIE" had it's first reading this past Sunday, Father's day! It went incredibly well!! I even wrote a song called "The Truth" that I sang for the audience. It was a really powerful moment for me! The script is metaphoric in that its about a transgendered male who is becoming a woman and life is changing dramatically for him. I say metaphoric because I weaved my life into the story to tell of my dramatic life change since coming to NYC!! I could go on all day, but let's get to the point. So within the story I write about her boyfriend finding a penny in central park with the year they met on it and giving it to her as a gift. Ironically, a few days later I find a penny on the street with my boyfriend and mine's year we met on it. Of course I gave it to him. Funny right? It gets better! In the story the characters father is estranged from her life and has never spoken or acknowledged her in 20 years. He's also in prison, which is very true in my life!!! Ok so in the script she gets a letter from him on Fathers day saying he loves her and is sorry. Ok, I hope your still with me. Well two days ago was the reading and Fathers day. Today I recieved a letter but none other than who you have guessed, my DAD!! Can you believe it? I can't believe it. 21 years he has avoided me. No I have not read it. I can't yet. All I could get through was "DEAR SON". He called me son. I see his handwriting. I am in disbeleif. Dear son,????????????????

WET DREAM!

Ok, so It's last Thursday. I am leaving work. I knew since the morning news that we were going to have downpours of rain all afternoon, but like always I ignored and didnt take an umbrella. First off I hate to carry anything EVER!! Second I am absent minded an leave the umbrellas all over the city for anothers blessing. Anyhow, I finish work and as I leave the building I notice there is a monsoon outside. I was horrified that I would have to walk all the way home in it. Yea, I could have taken the train, but I don't like public transportation and besides if you walk you can enjoy the scenery. Again, all the way home I am walking the rain drops are piercing my clothes and warping them. Water is bleeding out of my drenched hair now and down my face. Tiny waterfalls are dripping from my eyebrows. My socks had turned to soup in my shoes. People were looking at me funny as I was foolish not to have taken an umbrella. I felt foolish at first but then I thought. How fantastic this is!!! Beautiful!!! Beautiful!! water is falling from mother earth all over me, cleansing!! It was refreshing!! I rejoiced in it!!! Nature was bathing me in its juices!! YUMMY!!! If only I was nakie!!!! ahahh!! It occured to me that the Gulf is being murdered by that oil and who knows what that means for us. What if this was the last rainfall that Id ever get to enjoy!! AMAZING!!!! ahahahah, a moment!!!

FLASHBACK

SO I JUST FINISHED WRITING MY SECOND PLAY. IT'S CALLED "FRANKIE". IT;S ABOUT A Transgendered individual, male to female. It's having a reading June 20th 2010. I am unbelievably excited. Its a story about the characters coming into her own, acceptin her identity, and resolving past conflicts with her neglectful mother, absent father, and her potential new lover. Anyhow, there are alot of hiddent truths within the piece that I took from my own life. One of which I am VERY fond of and would like to share. It is about my abuela(grandmom),my father's mother who passed when I was five. Her name was Rafaela. The memory is of when I was very young, I think about 5, and we use to play this game called "mercy". It's a game where someone grabs your hand and either bends your fingers backwards or squeezes your entire hand to the point of pain. Silly right? Well my grandmother didnt speak any english and I no spanish. It was our way of communicating. I still remember her sitting in front of that window in her house dress and flower apron, hair in a bun and full of salt and pepper, smoking her cigarrette out of the Germantown project window. I think I would say, do it grandma, and she knew what I meant. I would reach the point of screaming and she would let got and then I would smile and say "Do it AGAIN!!!LOL!!!! Wild and Wonderful!!! I love you Abuela!!!

Trapped

Ugh, so Im on the two train today in this 80+ degree weather and it stops in it's tracks before reaching the platform. Here I am in this metal snake with what seems like thousands of people and all of there body heat clinging to my skin and the stench of there bodies attacking my nose!! Someone in the train ahead of us apparently got sick and they needed an ambulance. We were told that we would be stuck in the train for 20 mins. ok, not too long, but with all of those people and the heat, and the smell, OMG!!! I started hyperventilating, I felt the walls closing in, I felt TRAPPED!!!!!! Where am I to go!! I feel entombed in this tuna can! My breaths became shorter and I wanted Superman to smash through the ceiling and rescue me. It was the longest twenty minutes ever. They then told us that we had to exit the train by walking through all of the carts in order to reach the first one and get to the platform. After walking through about 4 carts they changed there minds and the train continued. I found a seat with a/c right over it and no people in the car. It quickly changed the whole experience. I guess Im somewhat clausterphobic. Ugh, I hate feeling like I'm restrained. I endured all of this just to get to a 2 year olds birthday party. Can I get some applause? Then I lucked out because a wonderful coworker of mine was there and she gave me a ride back home. I did'nt need that old stinky MTA train!! xoxoxoxooxx

Oil and water, next Vinegar

OMG!!! What have we done? It is so unsettling that as I sit here writing this blog, as I go about my day, to work, to eat lunch, to workout, to worry about when I will go back to school, to stress over what I will wear, to think about things that I want to do next year???, there is a MASSIVE oil spill going on right now LITERALLY in the Gulf!!!! Its been spewing oil into the gulf for weeks now with no end in sight!!! Gallons of it spill each our devouring the beautiful ocean and wonderful wildlife creatures and soon if not already our wetlands and beaches. It is a horrendous display of human error with dyre ramifications. This is the ultimate betrayal to our earth. We have been pillaging this poor planet for years while it gives us oxygen, water, food, shelter, beautiful mountains, blue skies, green landscapes,etc. We humans time and time again have mutilated its bounty and took advantage of its resources and just about depleted its body. Is this not a fantastic metaphor of a ripped artery? We have severed a major vein in the earths core and now it bleeds profusely! I don't think the earth is going to be so forgiving for this one. It has already shown what it can do when it wants to fight back, Katrina,Haiti,Thailand, Chile, what next? Its going to come back with a vengeance for this one. We'd better gear up! Its frightening to even think about it! We are in serious trouble perhaps and the vinegar will surely sting!

So nice its Scary!

Well all, I am back! I was in the state of Georgia for the past five days!! Wow it all went soooo fast my head is still tryin to catch up with my neck!! I had a beautiful time and who couldn't. You have not been in such good company until you have visit our southern cousins. Even if you don't have cousins in the south, these wonderful individuals will make you feel so at home that you will think you do! There is not one person who does not greet you with a smile and how are ya? It truly is unbelievable and beautiful at the same time. At first you may feel like you have crossed over into the twilight zone or that your getting buttered up for an attack, but its genuine sincerity and kindess like you have never known! This is a part of the country that still has respect and courteousness for its fellow human beings! Such community!! It was truly wonderful and overwhelming to be greeted with such love from strangers at every corner. Here! Here! ATL!!! Heres to you southerners!!! Just to show the contrast, I flew in this morning back to my good ol NYC. First, my handsome and I became human ping pong balls for two cabbies who wanted to argue over who should take our fare because they were too lazy to what they are getting paid to do ,which is take our fare. After that, I arrive at my hospital, I had forgotten my ID but was courteous enough to stop at the security desk to announce it and the security officer greeted me with attitude because I had forgotten my ID, when once before me a man ignored him and gave him attitude because the security officer asked him for his ID to ensure all of our safety. Wow, the north, what a contrast. I am a northerner, so I kinda get it, but I never condone rudeness. Oh well, without contrast I guess there can't be much appreciation!!! xooxoxoox

Peach is Sweet

So I'm in the Atl and for those not as down as me, ahhhaa, that's Atlanta!!! My brother inlaw is getting hitched, u know married this Sunday! It truly is beautiful in these parts. Ya I got my twang on since I'm in the dirty south!! Ain nuffin dirty bout this place tho. Plenty of gorgeous trees, beautiful churches, awesome restaurants, sweet folks who are as nice as a hot cherry pie bakin in da oven!! MMMM, I am slurrrpin up some sweet tea!! U ain neva had no sweet tea like they make it down here. Mcdonalds need to give it up. I had a Boston tea yesterday at Red Lobster!!! MM MMM Good!! Its sweet brewed tea topped with Cranberry!! O an the chedda bay biscuits DAYUM!!! This wedding is gonna be something else I cant wait!!! Ive never been to a wedding a big as this! 178 guests!! Wow! Ima look sharp too!!! I got my fly navy blue Alfani suit, wit mah orange and white pin striped brooks brothers shirt, black Kenneth Coles, and Calvin Klein belt!!! Whooo WEEE Ima be killin them!! ahhhahaha!! I'm not that conceited but I am VERY excited to be getting dressed in a FRESH new outfit!!! I got some blisters on my feet cuz I went joggin on the tread mill in socks this morning!! Huh, u gotta make due!!! I dont have sneaks for joggin wit me. I just hope there fine for when I gotta show my moves at the reception on Sunday!! I'm here with my handsome and handsome he is!! Born and raised here in Atl with that sexy southern accent and blinging grill!!! ahhha Yea boy!! I got me a soldier!! This is a fab weekend, family flyin in from everywhere!! Cincinatti, New York, etc!! The coolest thing thus far are the wedding place setting, which are being made from empty Snapple ice tea bottles!!! WOW!!! They will have custom made name tags and all!! They are even making home made bouquets1! Sweet I tell ya!! So sweet!!! Sweet as the Peach!!! Oh, and If you like it "can you please put a ring on it"

History or Hysteria??

How important is history when it comes to who you are today. Are things that happened 20 or so years before you were even born truly a factor in who and what you or I are today?? Should history be able to dictate your beliefs and our future forever? Should I hold on to luggage that my forefathers carried and check it in at every convenient moment during my lifes journey? Yea my father violated children and people, but I am I indebted to them? Am I marked by you forever by this?? Of course a bus load of French soldiers murdered and robbed my great grandparents but must I have some grudge or angry mission against them to prove something?? Are we responsible for occurrences in our life? Is it Karma? Is it evil? I once read that we as people have a strong desire to hold on to adversity and short comings because we believe it holds our identity and identity is severely important to us. If that is true, does that mean because some of my ancestors made horrible choices that these choices are key and hold the truth to my existence, worth, success, and relevance in this world today?? Do we hand down history to keep us divided or to as I am to understand,"stop it from repeating itself?" If you ask me, we really have not come that much further and if you watch the news history is repeated everyday no matter how much we are aware of past history. Maybe I live in a bubble, maybe I am just ignorant, or maybe I am one of the few who knows his history in the interest of learning and not for condemning and holding tying to it forever. ???????????

Hi My name is Cisco and Im addicted to "C"

NOoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Its not what you think!!! Its that rich, somewhat chocolatey, best when piping hot, a lil milk, and a enough sugar to just blur the bitterness!!! Yes! COFFEE!!! OMG!!! I have it first thing in the morning, right when I get to work, maybe after lunch, and definitely after dinner with my maria coffee biscuits!!! ahhaaha!! Thats some wicked "C" routine huh? Well your saying to yourself, WoW, this guy must be hype!!! Well actually I drink it because it has the reverse effect!! Its so soothing!! MMMM I want some now!!! I really do! My mother in law gave me the percolator that she passed down from her collection. I LOVE IT!! No more filters and I can do the dance why I wait for my coffee!!! LOL!! Thanks MOM!! Forget the flavors and all that whip cream, or as my co worker say "that sin" called "iced coffee!! Oh no!! I just want my regular ol cup of "C"!!! I prefer D&D's for all my coffenistas who know there coffee houses!!!! Ahhh bring on the beans!!! I dream of swimming in those huge coffee barrels at the market!! It really get my motor running!! I love "C"!! hey can I coin that a new term?? Move over cup of joe, gimme "C". What gets you goin?

The Dark Side of Me

So we all have things about us that not everyone is aware of. I want to share an interesting little tidbit about me. I love the dark! I somewhat dread sunshine. Yea I know, your probably thinking that someone as loving, and endearing, and so full of light, with so much positivity would be living in the sun! Nope! I have always preferred the darkness over the sunlight. I hate to sunbathe. I am drained on Sunny days like cryptonite. In my home the shades are always drawn and I only use electric when extremely necessary. Candles are my babies! I love the glow and the mysterious shadows that they cast. They inspire me and energize my soul. I was born in the summer but in the am hour of twilight. I love to do everything at night. I love to swim at night, go out, work, work out, and I am most inspired creatively in the dark. Hey I even get showered in the dark. Its TRUE!!! Its bad for me but I will even read in very low light. Darkness is always given a BAD name and looked on as negative, but darkness holds an AMAZING beauty for me. Darkness is so rich and velvety and seductive and intoxicating!! I can't get enough. I'm even writing this post now in the dark, lol!!! Ok, so that is one interesting piece of trivia about me. Is there anything about you that you would like to share????

Dates to remember

So today is May 25, 2010. 5/25/2010, the 25th day of the 5th month in our calendar. Why do I care? Why is it even in my stream of consciousness to remember this day? It's funny, and it's sad. Either way I should commemorate it. Today is "his" birthday. I know what your thinking, it must be an ex. Well you're wrong. It really is'nt. He is not even a friend. Yet he is intrinsicly bonded to my being. I see him in the mirror, I feel him in my thoughts, and I remember him on this day. Did he hurt me? I guess. Did he scar me? Possibly. Do I love him? I'm not sure. Am I afraid of him? Never! What a b^&tc* it is that he should be remembered on his day! Disgusting for me and flattering for him. I can imagine him now, not in a very festive situation is he. Just a memory, a ghost of my past that will never materialize again but indefinitely leave his mark as a cold spot on my brain. Pooof, out go his candles. Goodnight, good life, goodbye, good greif, good riddance. I hope you remember me:(

Brotherly Love in the Big Apple

So most of you know I am from Philly!! A.K.A illadelphia ahhahahh!!! I moved here a lil over 2 years ago. Prior to, I had so many misconceptions about this beautiful city. I mean its thought of as filthy, crowded, violent, and the people coldhearted. I DONT THINK SO!! Of all the graciousness that I have recieved over the time that I have been here, the latest is when I lost my keys. I went jogging this past Saturday and dropped my house keys. No big deal right? Well the main door key is a special security key that cannot be copied and costs about 60 dollars to copy!!! UGH!! So as I am trying to figure a way out to copy the key I recieve an email from a woman whose husband found them on the jogging trail. They took them to the library(because my card was attached to keys and located me!!!!! How amazing!!! I mean they could have just thrown them somewhere or etc, but they took the time to go to the library and find out who they belong too! Hey its NYC they could have just robbed me, right!! Wow!! GO NYC!!! Thank you Craig and Cristina!! Also, thank you Geno, Charles, Arthur, Mauricio, Damon, Elaine, Lisa, Robin, Gina, Maxine, BAAD, Debra, Angel, Daisy and the list follows!!! Who has touched your day recently or what event has refueled you zest for people and life!! ooxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo

Blog Virgin

Ok, so here is my first blog. Trying to decide what to blog about is not easy. So what can you write to get people interested in what you have to say. Well "sex" is always an attention grabber. I go with "blog virgin". Not very original but hey everyone is attracted to a virgin. Right?? So now I got the thought that everyone equates virginity with only sex, but when you think about it, everything that is a first can also be equated with virginity. You always here people using the term for things like eating for instance, someone will say, "I'm a fried oreo virgin" or something to that effect. So, what kind of virgin are you still?? I must say that I am a Statue of Liberty virgin. I have never been to her!!! I need to take care of that!!!